If you're as tired as I am of unsolicited junk mail offers (surveys, organizations, special offers, whatever), I think I've raised the bar in the realm of "payback".

You may have seen posted online, or in your email: the idea of taking all of that junk mail crap and stuffing it back into their postage-paid envelopes for the senders to dispose of. Well, I have an idea that could cripple direct mail marketers (I can dream, can't I?).

The idea?

Contaminate the database. Fill out any form you can with a 'paper person'. Be creative. I've already filled out direct mail responses from Dan Druff, Jay Sluicebox, and Red Sphincter.

Yeah, I'm sure that some of these will get caught before causing any serious interference or entertainment. But the 'performance art' aspect of this whole endeavor is almost sublime.

In the meantime, I'm waiting for a letter in my mailbox that begins with a heartfelt "Dear Mr. Sphincter . . ."

The next time a neighbor, friend, or passerby offers idle observations or personal opinions while professing to speak for God (especially the hyper-conservative ones), rock their worldview with this.

I'm still waiting for the Naderite tribe to be smited . . . (smoted??). Meh.

Feedback blasting out my ears
Makes me so high
I love all the monitor men
But why are they alive?
The van is make me crazy
It's just like being in the navy

Doomsday, doomsday's coming - 1981
But until things blow
I'm gonna have some fun
The bubble's going to explode
Probably never live to get old

But I just wanna have some fun
Probably won't see no money
I just wanna have some fun
Before they throw me in the sanitarium

Feedback blasting out my ears
Makes me so high
I love all the monitor men
But why are they alive ?
Well Monte's making me crazy
It's just like being in the navy-- The Ramones, "All The Way"

When Jon Stewart and the joke peddlers at the Daily Show can provide more thought-provoking perspective than Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, Tom Brokaw and the rest of them . . .

well, I have to wonder if maybe it's Dan, Peter, and Tom that I should really be laughing at.

I can tell I'm pushing 40, because try as I might, I can't help but roll my eyes over "how lousy everything is nowadays, compared to how it was back in the day . . ."

I've watched over the past decade and a half as music videos have been replaced by a mind-numbing collection of contrived "reality" shows, product placement, and (damn you to the blood-spewing pus-filled pits of hell,VH1) instant nostalgia . . .

I mean, 'I Love the '80s' . . . sure, I can see that argument. But 'The Best Week Ever'?? WTF. It was LAST WEEK, for crying out loud. Perhaps it was that MTV-induced attention span my parents warned me about in 1982, now coming home to roost.

I'm not so foolish to think that my favorite music videos weren't ever about promoting products. Of course they were -- I've got the record collection to prove it.

Simply put, I miss tuning in to music videos when I want to. Any music videos. Anything-- even the stale party favors cranked out by today's Top 40 posers.

But here's something for the folks in marketing to think about. I can have quicker, easier and cheaper (i.e., my budget won't allow for MTV2 anytime soon) access to a variety of music videos via Winamp 5 internet TV (thanks Lenka) anytime I want. And so do my internet-savvy children. Kids who prefer broadband over cable TV any day of the week.

Ahh, who am I kidding? Viacom owns an ass-load of online product too.

What can I say?

"I want my MTV."

Where are you, Buggles? The world needs you now more than ever.